Adult Friendships

I think navigating adult friendships is harder now than ever.

We are more connected than any generation before us, yet that constant connection comes with pressure. Pressure to respond quickly. Pressure to stay visible. Pressure to maintain relationships with everyone we have ever met.

We were not designed for this.

Once upon a time we had smaller, grounded communities. Neighbours, family, familiar faces. Relationships were built through shared life, not through screens. Now we are stretched thin across hundreds of digital connections, and many of them feel shallow because they are.

I have always struggled with online connection. It often feels surface level to me. I am someone with limited emotional and energetic resources, and if you are my friend, I value you enough to want real connection. I want to sit across from you. Hear your voice. See your eyes. Share space. That matters to me.

I don’t have the capacity for constant back and forth messaging just to prove I care. And I know I am not alone in that. So many people feel overwhelmed by the idea that they are a “bad friend” simply because they cannot keep up with the expectations of instant replies and endless digital availability. Life is already demanding. Our nervous systems are already overloaded. Friendship should not feel like another performance.

I am deep, I am old school, and I am at peace with that.

I will not comment on every post. I will not perform friendship online. But I will show up quietly and consistently in real ways. I will answer the phone when you need someone. I will hold your secrets. I will sit with you in hard moments. I will celebrate your milestones. I will bring thoughtfulness, loyalty, and presence to the people I care about.

That kind of friendship cannot be scaled. It can only be cultivated.

I have many people I am friendly with, and I value those connections too. But I only have a small circle of close friendships that I actively nurture. Those relationships have been built over time, through shared values, mutual effort, honesty, and respect. They feel safe. They feel steady. They feel reciprocal. That feels healthy to me.

We are in a loneliness epidemic, which is ironic considering how connected we appear to be. The problem is not lack of connection, it is lack of depth. What many people are missing is real presence, real communication, real safety, real support.

I believe it is important to find your people and invest in those relationships intentionally. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, and that is not a failure. People grow. Paths change. Seasons shift. That is part of being human.

If you have been feeling overwhelmed by social expectations, take a breath. You are allowed to choose depth over quantity. You are allowed to prioritise the relationships that feel nourishing and safe. You are allowed to protect your energy.

The internet can wait. Real life cannot.