Getting Back in the Saddle
Getting Back in the Saddle
(When It’s Not Just About Riding)
Stepping away from horses was never part of the plan.
It wasn’t a conscious decision, not really.
It was something that happened slowly… then all at once.
Burnout.
Trauma.
A nervous system that just said, “no more.”
But it also wasn’t entirely my choice.
We had just moved to a new property with no safe fencing.
My partner had to keep working away.
And I couldn’t safely access where my horses were being kept.
There were circumstances that made it unsafe for me to be there, both physically and emotionally.
So I had to step away.
I had to rely on my mum to care for them while I focused on getting through what I was going through.
And when your whole life has been built around horses, stepping away like that doesn’t just leave a gap in your routine.
It leaves a gap in who you are.
There were horses in that space too.
My horses I had for years and developed a special bond, my friends, my companions.
A young horse I had just started…
maybe 10 rides under saddle…
then nothing for a couple of years.
Young colts that had been weaned and left unhandled.
Not because they were forgotten, but because I couldn’t safely or fairly show up for them at the time.
That’s a hard thing to sit with.
Knowing what you would normally do…
and knowing you can’t.
For a long time, I couldn’t go near it.
Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally.
Because it wasn’t just about the horses.
It was about the pressure.
The expectations.
The version of myself I thought I had to be.
And the reality that there were so many factors outside of my control that led me here.
Coming back has been… different.
There’s this idea that you just “get back on” and everything clicks back into place.
That confidence returns.
That muscle memory takes over.
But that’s not how it works when your nervous system has been through something…
and when you’ve been away not just by choice, but by circumstance.
When I finally had my horses back home, or somewhere I could safely work them again, I thought it would feel like relief.
And in some ways it did. I am blessed to have some special horses who take care of me even when I am not showing up at my best.
But it also came with a whole new layer I hadn’t expected.
Overwhelm from work.
Nerves after so much time off.
And a nervous system that still didn’t feel safe.
Getting back into it hasn’t been simple.
It’s finding my confidence again with a young horse who didn’t get a consistent start.
It’s navigating the unpredictability of young colts that are only just learning about humans.
It’s doing all of that while not feeling like the confident, grounded leader I once was.
So I’ve had to learn a different way.
A quieter way.
A slower way.
A way that is less about proving anything…
and more about meeting myself and the horses where we are.
For me, getting back into horses hasn’t looked like chasing goals or pushing through.
It’s looked like:
standing in the paddock and doing nothing
noticing when I feel overwhelmed and stepping away
choosing the horse in front of me over the outcome I had in my head
letting things be slower than it would have been before
Some days it’s not even about riding.
Some days it’s just about being okay being there again.
Its about remembering, remembering who I am, remembering my feel and timing.
There’s grief in it too.
Grief for the time lost.
Grief for the horses that had to wait.
Grief for the version of you that used to do things without thinking.
But there’s also something else.
There’s a different kind of awareness.
A deeper kind of listening.
Not just to the horse… but to yourself.
I think this is the part we don’t talk about enough in horsemanship.
We talk about training plans.
We talk about consistency.
We talk about pushing through.
But we don’t talk about what it takes to come back when your body doesn’t feel safe…
and when life pulled you away before you were ready.
If that’s you… you’re not behind.
You’re not weak.
And you’re definitely not alone.
You’re just learning how to do it in a way that’s safe & sustainable.
In a way that honours both you and the horse.
Because maybe real horsemanship isn’t about getting back to where you were.
Maybe it’s about meeting yourself and the horses where you are…
and letting that be enough.
If you are nervous, scared or hurting please know you are not alone and that with time and patience thing will get better.
Listen to your heart, listen to your horse,
Brandy xx