PMDD

Pre Mensural Dysphoric Disorder

When Your Brain Turns Against You Once a Month

For a long time I thought something was seriously wrong with me.

Every month there would be a week, sometimes even two, where I simply wasn't myself.

Everything felt harder. My patience disappeared. My confidence vanished. Small problems became enormous ones. I was exhausted, anxious, emotionally raw and often completely overwhelmed.

It wasn't just feeling a bit hormonal.

It felt like my brain had turned against me.

Then my period would arrive and, almost overnight, it would lift.

The fog would clear.

I could think again.

I'd look back at the previous week and wonder how I could have believed all those thoughts so completely.

For years I didn't understand what was happening.

I thought maybe I was bad at coping with stress. Maybe I wasn't resilient enough. Maybe I was just too emotional.

I honestly wondered if this was just what everyone called PMS.

It wasn't until I started tracking my cycle and noticing the same pattern month after month that I realised something much bigger was going on.

PMDD Is More Than "Bad PMS"

Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) is often described as a severe form of PMS, but I don't think that description comes close to explaining what it can actually feel like.

For many women, PMDD isn't an inconvenience.

It can be completely debilitating.

For one to two weeks every month it can affect your ability to work, maintain relationships, make decisions and simply function as yourself. It can feel like your mind, body and nervous system have all turned against you.

For me, it feels like someone else has taken over my mind.

The thoughts become darker.

Everything feels hopeless.

I lose perspective.

Problems that I could normally navigate suddenly feel impossible.

One of the most frightening symptoms of PMDD is that it can bring suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation. That's something many women are understandably reluctant to talk about, but it's also one of the reasons this condition needs to be taken seriously.

Those thoughts can feel incredibly real in the moment.

Then, after my period starts, they disappear.

It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. It's like living with two different versions of yourself. One knows life is good, has plans for the future and enjoys the people around her. The other genuinely believes everything is falling apart.

That's how convincing PMDD can be.

When Life Is Already Hard

I've also learnt that PMDD doesn't exist in a vacuum.

If you're already carrying chronic stress, recovering from trauma, grieving, burnt out or living with depression or anxiety, PMDD can feel even more overwhelming.

It isn't that these things cause PMDD, but they can leave your nervous system with fewer reserves to cope when the hormonal changes of the luteal phase arrive.

For me, some of my worst PMDD episodes happened during some of the hardest years of my life.

Trauma.

Court proceedings.

Family breakdown.

Burnout.

Trying to keep a business running while surviving everything happening behind the scenes.

Those months weren't just difficult.

They were frightening.

PMDD amplified everything I was already carrying. The hopelessness felt deeper. The anxiety became louder. The exhaustion was crushing, and the suicidal thoughts felt frighteningly convincing, even though they disappeared once my period arrived.

That's why I believe we need to stop dismissing PMDD as "just bad PMS."

For some women, PMDD can become a serious mental health crisis every single month.

It can affect careers, relationships, parenting, finances and quality of life. It can leave women questioning everything they know about themselves. In its most severe form, it can lead to self-harm and suicide if women don't receive the understanding, support and treatment they need.

A Vicious Cycle

One thing I've realised is that PMDD doesn't happen in isolation.

Stress, burnout, poor sleep, not eating well, overcommitting, skipping exercise or pushing through without enough recovery don't necessarily cause PMDD, but they can absolutely make those one or two weeks feel significantly worse.

It's a vicious cycle.

PMDD leaves you exhausted and overwhelmed.

When you're exhausted and overwhelmed, it's harder to make good choices.

You don't have the energy to meal prep, exercise, get outside, meditate or do the things that normally support your mental health.

Then your nervous system becomes even more overloaded, and the symptoms often feel more intense.

I've learnt the hard way that the things I do during the first half of my cycle matter.

Eating enough protein.

Strength training.

Getting outside.

Prioritising sleep.

Managing stress.

Making time for recovery after busy weekends.

None of these things cure PMDD.

I wish they did.

But they help build resilience before the storm arrives.

It's Not Weakness

For a long time I felt ashamed.

I thought I should be stronger.

I thought if I just had more discipline or a better mindset I'd be able to push through it.

Now I understand that's not how PMDD works.

Research suggests that women with PMDD aren't producing different hormones. Instead, the brain has an abnormal sensitivity to the normal hormonal changes that happen after ovulation.

In other words, it's not all in your head.

It's biology.

Knowing that has helped me replace shame with understanding.

Learning to Work With My Cycle

I'm still learning.

Some months are better than others.

Some months I recognise what's happening early and give myself permission to slow down.

Other months I push too hard, overbook myself or forget to prioritise the basics, and I pay for it.

One of the biggest changes I've made is being open about it with the people closest to me.

My partner knows when I'm entering that part of my cycle.

The people I trust know that if I seem withdrawn, more emotional or unusually overwhelmed, it's not because I don't care about them. My brain is processing the world differently for a little while.

That doesn't excuse poor behaviour, but it does mean the people around me can offer support instead of accidentally adding fuel to the fire.

Sometimes that support is as simple as giving me a bit more space.

Sometimes it's reminding me to eat.

To rest.

To get outside.

Sometimes it's gently reminding me that I've been here before and that the storm will pass.

I've also learnt not to make major life decisions during a PMDD episode.

If I suddenly want to end a relationship, quit my job, burn my business to the ground or convince myself my entire life is falling apart, I've learnt to wait.

I write the thoughts down.

I acknowledge that they feel very real.

Then I promise myself I'll come back to them once my period has arrived and my mind is clearer.

Most of the time, I see those situations very differently.

Not because the feelings weren't real, but because PMDD has a way of distorting perspective.

I'm learning to work with my body rather than constantly fighting against it.

That means planning recovery after busy periods, protecting my energy when I know the difficult weeks are approaching, asking for help when I need it and reminding myself that not every thought deserves to be believed.

Sometimes surviving PMDD isn't about pushing harder.

Sometimes it's about recognising the storm, holding on and trusting that the version of yourself you know so well is still there underneath it all.

If This Sounds Like You

If you've ever felt like you become a completely different person before your period...

If you've questioned your relationships, your career or your entire life, only to feel completely different once your period arrives...

If you've felt ashamed because everyone around you calls it "just PMS"...

You're not imagining it.

PMDD is real.

It is recognised.

And for many women, it is life-changing.

We need to stop minimising it.

We need more awareness.

We need better support.

We need partners, families, employers, friends and health professionals to understand that this isn't a lack of resilience or an inability to cope.

It's a recognised medical condition that deserves to be taken seriously.

Most importantly, we need women to know they don't have to suffer in silence.

Talk to your doctor.

Talk to your psychologist if you have one.

Talk to the people you love.

The more your partner, family and close friends understand what PMDD looks like for you, the better they can support you through the difficult weeks. They can remind you to eat, encourage you to rest, help you keep perspective and avoid unintentionally adding fuel to the fire when your nervous system is already overwhelmed.

There is no shame in asking for help.

And if you're reading this while you're in the middle of a PMDD episode, I want you to hear this.

The thoughts you're having today may not be the thoughts you'll have next week.

The version of you that feels hopeless isn't the whole story.

Hold on.

Reach out.

Let someone sit with you through the storm.

It does pass.

It always has.

And one day, I hope we reach a point where women no longer suffer in silence because people finally understand that PMDD isn't "just PMS."

It's real.

And every woman living with it deserves to be seen, believed and supported.

Brandy x