Seasonal Depression

When You Can Feel Winter Coming

It’s only March when I am writing this, but I can already feel the anxiety about winter creeping in. Nothing has really changed yet, the days are still warm, the sun is still out, but my body seems to know what’s coming.

For some people winter is cozy. Slow mornings, warm drinks, early nights. And I must admit I too like the novelty of a cold rainy day, fire going, warm meals, red wine and songwriting but that novelty wears off quickly.

For people like me, winter can feel heavy.

I’ve noticed this pattern in myself over the years. As the days start getting shorter and the light changes, my energy shifts with it. My motivation drops, my mood dips, and things that usually feel easy suddenly take more effort. It’s like my nervous system starts bracing itself before winter has even properly arrived.

Living rurally, and working the way I do, sunshine and being outside aren’t just nice extras for me. They’re a big part of how I stay mentally and physically well.

Horses, fresh air, moving my body, feeling the sun on my skin, being connected to the land, those things regulate me. They help me think clearly, stay grounded and feel like myself. When the days get shorter and the weather closes in, those simple things become harder to access, and I really notice the difference.

I also know now that burnout and hormones play a role in all of this too. When my nervous system has already been running close to the edge after a busy summer of music and riding, winter can amplify everything. Fatigue hits harder. Motivation drops quicker. The margin for stress gets smaller.

For women especially, there are so many layers happening in the background, our cycles, hormones, emotional load, work, relationships, caring for others. When you add darker days and less sunlight on top of that, it can tip things from manageable into overwhelming pretty quickly.

For a long time I thought something was wrong with me for struggling with this. Winter would come around and I’d feel like I was failing at life a little bit, less energy, less drive, less capacity and overall less happy.

I started to travel, each time winter came around I was off someplace warm to keep living my life the way I enjoy, outside in the sunshine. I went up north, I went to America and lived an endless summer for most of my 20s.

At some stage I began to crave the stability of a permanent home.

Fast forward to now, I am 34 and I have made a home in the South West. The first winter wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Perhaps expecting the worst made it bearable or perhaps it was a mild winter? The next was a little harder and the third was brutal!

Getting up in the dark, getting home in the dark, no time to ride horses between work and bad weather. Feeding horses in the rain, getting the car bogged in the mud, running out of firewood, you name it.

Yep the novelty wore off.

I was on my own those first three winters, my partner was still working his seasonal job in the north. That made it much worse along with the personal mental load I was carrying.

Things got real dark and it wasn’t just winter I admit but it sure didn’t help my situation and was a stark reminder of why I used to travel in the first place.

I know we need the rain and I am glad of it when it arrives but I still fear for my mental health as I know how those months can impact me.

But over time I’ve started to see it differently.

Our bodies are seasonal too.

Just like the land slows down in winter, we often need more rest, more warmth, more care. The problem is that our modern lives don’t really allow for that. We’re expected to operate at the same pace all year round.

And for some of us, that just isn’t realistic.

This year, instead of fighting it as much, I will try to prepare for it. I’m paying attention when I start to feel that early shift of autumn. It’s my reminder to start putting supports in place before winter really arrives.

More sunlight when I can get it.
More time outside, even if it’s cold.
Gentler expectations of myself.
More rest, slower mornings, nourishing food, and staying connected to the things that regulate me, horses, music, nature.

I will use winter as a time to write and create so that I can make the most of summer when it arrives.

I’m still learning how to navigate it. Some years are easier than others, last year was a real bad one.

But I’ve realised that paying attention to these patterns in ourselves is awareness.

The horses remind me of this every year. The land changes, the seasons shift, and everything adjusts with it. Nothing in nature expects itself to operate the same way all year round.

If you’re someone who also feels the seasons deeply, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

Sometimes our minds and our bodies are just asking us to slow down, soften, and take a little more care of ourselves as the world around us changes.

I wish you happiness during hibernation!

Brandy x